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Facing rejection, particularly when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is declining your work, giving a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began proposing manuscripts five decades ago, right after college graduation. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with article pitches and countless essays. In the last two decades, specializing in personal essays, the rejections have multiplied. In a typical week, I get a setback every few days—amounting to more than 100 times a year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career exceed a thousand. By now, I might as well have a PhD in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Far from it. Because, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with being turned down.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: By this stage, almost everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I’ve never tracked my acceptance statistics—it would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my book idea before someone gave the green light. Later on, 25 representatives declined a book pitch. One editor even asked that I submit my work only once a month.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections hurt. I took them personally. It seemed like my work was being turned down, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? How could editors be overlook my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe they rejected the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who made you to judge on my efforts? You’re stupid and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at them, then frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (often mixed with delusion). What will it take you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I’ll never be accomplished.

This continued for decades.

Excellent Precedents

Of course, I was in fine company. Tales of creators whose books was originally rejected are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was first rejected. Because they managed to persevere, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his youth squad. The majority of American leaders over the last 60 years had previously lost elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his movie pitch and attempt to star were rejected numerous times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to motivate me and persevere, not backing down,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I achieved the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or have one in progress, or be considering that idea for another contributor.

Or, unfortunately, my idea is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader feels I lack the credentials or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the work I am peddling. Or didn’t focus and read my submission too fast to recognize its value.

Feel free call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are permanently not up to you.

Within Control

Others are within it. Honestly, my ideas and work may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the point I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my writing style, particularly commas, was offensive.

The essence is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a personal story, at 65—and over a thousand pieces. These works have featured in publications big and little, in diverse platforms. My debut commentary appeared in my twenties—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

Still, no major hits, no book signings publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily handle rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have eased the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be philosophical about it all now.

Valuable Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What lessons have I learned?

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